Dreamers: ADD is Murder
by Tacobuddy
Summary: What happens in your dreams? Probably not quite as random and crazy as this!


I lay in bed and I drift off into my dreams…

-POOF-

Here I stand in my usual spot at my high school waiting for the first bell to ring so I can go to class, and who should walk up to me but my ex-friend (or maybe even my "NEVER-was-a" friend) Cassidy. She always stayed true to her usual routine: call me homosexual and use slanderous and profanity words to hit me where it hurts. She fired of a dangerous level of derogatoriness at me almost instantly.

She shouts, "Hey fag, Jerome told me he wants you!"

Any other day, I'd be fine and laugh sarcastically then leave her alone… but I was pissed off. Out of nowhere, I produce a long, narrow, filet knife and stab her face. She falls dead. No one sees but my friend, Chibby. Chibby runs to me and shakes me like a tree that she wants the apple off the top of.

"I-I-I-I-I dddddiiiiiiiii-ddddddddnnnn-'t mea-nnnn toooooooo!" I managed to stammer out through the dead grip she had me in.

"You IDOT!" she screamed, "why the heck would you do that?"

I bite her hand and make a run for it. I run and run and run and run until I make it to a local gas station. I look back and see her, by some miracle, right on my tail behind me. I grab a gun out of nowhere and hold up a guy pumping gas and take his new Shelby GT 500. Chibby slides across the hood and jumps into the passenger seat. I glanced at her with a puzzled look.

She turned to me and shrugged. "Hey, if the "Dukes of Hazard" can do it…", she says and then flips down her sunglasses on her head, "then so can I!"

I laugh and floor the accelerator all the way to North Augusta. When we arrive there, the police finally catch up and surround us. She takes two steps back and disappears. Seeing her I do the same and I drop like a rock- straight down. We both look up at the ceiling of earth and listen to the cops slowly fading off into the horizon above us.

"Where are we?" She mutters.

"Let's find out." I say as I find a torch in the dark and light it on a short circuited wire sticking out of the earth above me. The flames shot up from the torch instantly and we observed we were in a long, dark passageway.

"The underground railroad?" I wondered aloud

"Follow the drinking gourd!" she exclaimed with a smile

"Oh my God…" I said smacking myself in the forehead.

We turned to the direction she thought was north and, like many before us in this tunnel, walked and walked. Eventually we started finding things in the tunnel that we didn't expect. We found a skeleton of a general from the union army holding onto a rifle in the small indent in the wall. He was still guarding a whole shelf of ammo. We "marched" on. Then we came to a small buried prison. It was full of long-since sentenced criminals and one guard. It looked as though they were all asleep and the whole prison fell through the foundation. Chibby held my arm tightly.

"Can we please just get out now?" she stammered

"Well when you see an exit, tell me and we'll BOTH get out" I said half sarcastically and half seriously.

She stumbled on a femur of a prisoner clad in white and black stripes and leaped into my arms with a squeal.

"It's okay…" I said softly as I kissed her forehead to calm her nerves, "let's get out of here."

We kept walking and walking until we began seeing strange symbols. I recognized them to be freemason symbols and told her a few facts I knew. She muttered something about seeing a special on it once when her dad fell asleep in his chair with the history channel turned on. I laughed at her saying that she wanted to get the remote so she could watch 'SpongeBob Squarepants' but she didn't want to get up of her butt or wake him up

"I really wanted to get up but I didn't wanna wake him so…" she paused. "Hey! Look over there!" she exclaimed "I think it's an exit!"

We walked toward the light at the end of the tunnel for what seemed like longer than we'd been underground already. And when we finally reached the light it was getting colder and all we could see was white.

"Are we dead?" Chibby said and then pinched herself… "Ow!" she squealed.

I gave her the usual look and then we kept walking out into the white abyss. We looked in every direction and saw white… and white… and more whiteness. It was just snow. But, then out of nowhere a truck comes by at what felt like 100 miles an hour and the wind gust from behind the semi-tractor trailer blows us back into the snow.

"Rude!" she screamed at the truck and flicked it off.

"Look, over there." I said.

A little further down the road we could now see was a sign: 10 miles to Edmonton… Canada! She read it and started dancing.

"We did it, Paw-Paw! We got north!" She yelled happily

I laughed and then she suddenly stopped dancing, looked around, and started to wail. She dropped to the ground sobbing.

"What's wrong?" I asked. "We… –sniffle-… we never found the… –sniffle-… drinking gourd… "She said before balling like a baby.

"You know", I said to her, "you are a VERY special girl…"

"So I've been told", she said, instantly better and back to normal… if you could call her normal at any point in time…

We also saw the snow had been covering something else before the truck blew it away… a car. Broken down and in apparent need of repair, it sat on the side of the road. We went to it to inspect the damage. Chibby ran to pop open the hood and proceeded to look under it. She leaned over the engine and started making fun of Megan Fox by sticking out butt as far out as she could while she leaned over it.

"My daddy used to fix cars with me… I know a good bit about them..." she said in a canny impersonation voice.

I busted out laughing as she said in her own voice, "but seriously, dude… I have no freakin' idea what's wrong with this thing."

I leaned over the engine and said, "Well, I can already see that it's missing the battery, 2 of its 6 spark plugs, and for god's sake! It has no oil in it!"

"So will it run?" she said

"No." I said, holding back a laugh.

"Well maybe he can help!" she says pointing to a truck coming down the road (this time at a decent speed!)

The truck approaches us slowly and halts. A man gets out and says, "Hey-lo thur little peoples. Can I help you somehow, eh?"

I look at his shirt and it says 'AAA'. I ask him, "Hey, are you from the AAA?"

"No, no!" he says, "It's just a shirt… but I am in the AA, eh."

Me and Chibby laugh and he either understood the joke later than us or started laughing just to fit in because it took him a full ten minutes to join in.

"Well," I said "Can we at least get a ride into town?"

"Sure thing, sonny" He says with the hospitality you can only find in Canada.

So we get in the truck and start driving. After I few minutes of quiet, I knew I had to be the first to break the silence.

"So…. Is the weather her always like this?" I asked quizzically.

"Damned if I know!" said the man.

"What do you mean?" I asked

"I don't live here… but that is beyond the point…right now, we have to go back… to the future!" he screamed.

"Umm... are you okay?" I asked.

"You mean you aren't Marty?"

"No…" I said.

"Damn! …Damn… Damn, Damn!" he says before throwing us out onto the snow covered ground of the city. "Bye kids… you didn't hear anything, got it?"

We nodded and he drove off. We kept walking for nearly a mile across town when we came to a hangar. We stole a helicopter and left them a lovely 'I.O.U.-1x Helicopter' note on the secretary's desk. Flying as fast as we could, we flew straight to LA and onto a set of an action blockbuster in production. We flew across the scene and the director asked who got a chopper. When no one could tell him, he called the police to investigate. The police ordered us to land so we could talk… but one problem… I KILLED A GIRL! We turned the heli southeast and flew away swiftly. We finally made it to a small town in Mexico where we ran out of gas. Chibby acted like she was normal Mexican, but the only Spanish she knew was 'Hola', 'Si', and 1-10 in Spanish. I went to a small hotel to the man at the front and asked which way was Texas.

He said, "Texas? Por lo que se trata de una milla al oeste Del norte-norte, pero usted debe ser un ciudadano de los Estados Unidos de América o que NUNCA cruzar la frontera ..."

"¡Gracias!" I said and we walked out.

"How in the world did he know what you said?" she said, "but more importantly, how did you learn that much Spanish in only a semester of classes?"

"I didn't learn that much." I told her. "I just read the subtitles under us, silly. He said Texas was about a mile north-northwest of here and we wouldn't get past the border without proof of citizenship."

"Oh…" she said.

We left the city heading to Texas when we eventually came to a small plastic toy fence that spread as far as we could see and was about 6 inches high. We looked all around for a shack with police in it but saw none. After a minute of deliberation we stepped over the fence and kept walking. We walked and walked until we finally ran into an officer.

"Afternoon" He said. "May I see some ID? Proof of citizenship? License? What do you have?"

I calmly hand him an old Ident-a-kid card and he looks it over. While he looks at it I count about 67 Mexicans walk across the same path we were on and he just waves politely.

"Why didn't you stop them?" I said, "Those were obviously illegal immigrants!"

"Can't" he said, "I'm only allowed to randomly stop every 100th person I see and give them a check"

"And I was number 100?"

"Actually number 1,000,500… I count them all!" he stated proudly

"Since you worked here?" I asked

"No." he laughed "this month."

I slapped myself. Then Chibby slapped me. Then the officer. Then a random Mexican coming from behind me…

"OKAY!" I said, "Enough with the slapping already!"

After a few minute of looking at my Identification, he told us to have a nice day and sent us on our way… just in time for us to see him stop a man who was apparently number 1,000,600 in the number of people passing him this month. It was an old Chinese guy… CHINESE! The officer then proceeds to frisk him and ask for and ID. The poor old Chinese man said it was in his other robe and the officer told him sorry, you can't cross the border… the Chinese man takes a step backward, then a step forward again…

"Ha!" he said "Now I numba 1,000,601. Let me pass!"

"Well", said the officer, "the math checks out, I guess. You are free to go!"

"Dios Mio…" I said.

"I'm fine, thank you." Chibby said

I rolled my eyes and we kept walking.

We come into the beautiful city of Dallas, Texas and who do we find but an action movie and TV star! Not only that but he just so happens to be Chibby's favorite of all time… When she finishes fainting, he offers us a ride east. So now we are in a convertible Mustang GT with the top down and driving across the country with Chibby in the front asking the man every question she can think of after escaping police, running to Canada on the Underground Railroad, flying to LA, crossing the border… just a normal day in my dreams.

But just to make the adventure stranger, who should fall down from the sky but Chibby's old true love, F.H., and his girlfriend. Chibby's ex-lover falls into the backseat. She never did get over him… His girlfriend skids on the pavement behind us and slowly gets smaller and smaller in the distance.

"Thank god I'm rid of her!" he says to us before looking in the front seat… "Is that? Oh my god, it is! …sweet." he says before climbing into the front seat with Chibby and starts kissing her.

"Well I feel left out!" I said, actually a little pissed off.

After a few minutes of torture watching the two of them, I hear banging in the trunk and then the seat next to me pops out of its bracket. Me and Chibby's good friend Liz pops out of the trunk and tells me that our driver put her in there.

He turns in his seat and says, "Hey, shut up or you're going back in the trunk!" Then he muttered under his breath something about government agencies and her trying to blackmail him. I shrugged and started talking to Liz, AKA the shyest girl in the history of all females.

"Wassup?" I ask

"Nothing much" she says and then looks at the two love birds in the front that can't get off each other.

"Disgusting, huh?" I say.

"Yeah" she says.

"Soooooooooo…" I say to break the awkward silence "Can I talk to you about something?"

She nods.

"Well… I kinda like you…" I say, blushing.

"Awe", she says and smiles a little.

I turn and look away embarrassed by my own comment more-so than by her response. She reaches and gently puts her hand on mine. A chill climbs up my spine and I look to her. Now she is the one blushing. I giggle and wrap my hand around hers. She turns blood red and hides her face. I lean over and kiss her cheek and then turn back toward my front… F.H. and Chibby: still going at it!

I look outside and to my surprise, I see we are in Miami Florida and crusin' on the beachfront. The locals are staring at the two in the front so he puts the top up. We pull into a gas station because apparently after 2025 miles we FINALLY ran out of gas… go figure.

The driver hops out and before he can put a credit card in the pump's swipe slot, he is attacked by psychotic fans. Liz hops up in the front seat, since she is the only one of us with a license, and drives back toward home… F.H. and Chibby: STILL GOING AT IT!

Finally we make it back home and drive toward the school when who do we see but the President in front of the school giving a speech on violence in school. I listen from our car but then I see a redneck in a car in front of us about to shoot the president with a high powered deer rifle!

F.H. stops making out for two seconds, looks at the man in the car, and throws a Desert Eagle .50 cal. Pistol at me. I shot the man in his right hand and he dropped the gun instantly screaming in pain. The president orders some secret service men to investigate and when they arrive we tell them what happened and then we went to the court to testify.

Well, long story short, the man was found guilty for attempted murder of the president, I was given an official pardon by the president for the murder I made a while back, Liz went off in the actor's car and said something about taking out the Russian mafia with some incriminating evidence she found in Beirut... I know. I don't get it either.

And my buddy Chibby and her now-husband F.H. got married… and found out she was pregnant…

Then I woke up, wrote down what I ate for supper that night, and called Chibby to tell her about it.


End file.
